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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24759616">Goodbye to yesterday</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vault_Emblem/pseuds/Vault_Emblem'>Vault_Emblem</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Based on their non blue lions paired ending, Hurt No Comfort, Leaving Home, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:22:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,501</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24759616</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vault_Emblem/pseuds/Vault_Emblem</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Even if he loves him with all his hearts, he knows his love is never going to be enough to fill the void they keep inside their chests.<br/>It’s best for both of them if they never see each other.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Goodbye to yesterday</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Tbh I'm not entirely satisfied with this. I started writing it, then I hit a period of writer's block cause of uni. I finished it mostly cause I didn't want to let it sit in my wips for too long.<br/>Anyway, I hope you still enjoy it!</p>
<p>Also this was inspired by <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xsx_dIJOtgI">Goodbye to Yesterday</a> by Elina Born &amp; Stig Rästa</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s a peaceful morning, or at least it appears to be. In truth, Felix’s mind is more clouded than a sky during a tempest; he barely manages to keep order inside his head, trying to catch all his treacherous thoughts before they could spread too much and convince him to stay.</p>
<p>No, he has made up his mind: he has to leave.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He makes the mistake of turning around, and even just the view of Sylvain peacefully asleep beside him is enough to make him reconsider, but he can’t stay.</p>
<p>He’s a broken man, nothing more than a beast. He shouldn’t darken Sylvain’s life with his mere presence; he deserves so much more.</p>
<p>Even if he loves him with all his hearts, he knows his love is never going to be enough to fill the void they keep inside their chests.</p>
<p>It’s best for both of them if they never see each other.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Getting dressed is a painfully quick process.</p>
<p>He knows that if he indulges more he’ll just get back to bed and to Sylvain; he’s done it already. His will has always been weak, but this time Felix won’t be swayed by any soft feelings he harbors for the other. If anything, he’s doing him a favour by leaving.</p>
<p>Sylvain is… Sylvain is more than what he believes he is: he’s managed to turn this tragedy into a source of strength. He hasn’t been corrupted by the war; he’s still same old Sylvain, if not more bitter than he once was – but he was already bitter, he just hadn’t noticed it before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Once he wears his last layer, he goes to take the sword that has been hanged to the wall. It was supposed to be an ornament, but for Felix it means more than that: it’s a reminder of what he has become and of what he cannot live without, no matter how hard he tries.</p>
<p>As he takes his old sword, his companion in countless battles, he inspects it. He always took a great deal of care of his equipment, but even he hasn’t been able to prevent a few scratches and dents to form. The blade feels old and ruined, just like him.</p>
<p>It’ll be perfect.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He closes the distance between himself and the door with quick steps. He’s about to open it when he turns towards Sylvain, who’s still soundly asleep.</p>
<p>He almost drops everything again. What is he doing? This won’t be good for either of them. What else can he do, though? He can’t stay here. He could, but he knows deep down that he’d just lead a pathetic and sad existence if he does, and this isn’t what Sylvain deserve. Felix needs no babying, no support – it’s all useless.</p>
<p>His legs move before he can stop himself, and before he also realizes what is happening, he leans in, leaving a small kiss on Sylvain’s forehead. He really hopes he’ll find happiness even without him; actually, he’s certain it will be easier for him with him gone. He won’t be holding him down anymore.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sylvain stirs, and Felix’s afraid he blew it. If he wakes up, he doesn’t know how he’ll manage to face him. It’s cowardly, he knows it, but he won’t have the strength to leave otherwise. He doesn’t want Sylvain trying to make him stay, because he knows that, whatever he’ll say, he’ll make it sound so reasonable that Felix won’t be left with any other choice but to agree.</p>
<p>Thankfully, it appears that Sylvain was just moving in his sleep. Felix can’t help a soft smile from creeping on his lips at the view. It’s so adorable it hurts – and it really does.</p>
<p>The smile soon turns into a scowl, and Felix turns his back from Sylvain, going back towards the door. This time, he doesn’t look behind.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Sylvain finally does wake up, his first instinct is to turn to his side, draping one arm around the warm body pressed beside him… body of which he immediately notices the absence.</p>
<p>His eyes snap open then, and Sylvain raises his back, looking around the room. It’s empty.</p>
<p>He frantically scrambles to the floor, trying to recollect if Felix had something to do today. No, he doesn’t think so. Besides, he never lets Sylvain sleep too much, waking him up as if they were still at Garreg Mach during the war; not that Sylvain truly minded, however: he always made sure to use the “extra time” to have some fun with Felix before having to attend to their respective duties.</p>
<p>Maybe he just went to the bathroom, that could be an easy explanation, or…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>His eyes fall to the empty wall where Felix’s sword is supposed to be.</p>
<p><em>Ah</em>.</p>
<p>He might’ve understood what happened after all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>It takes him just a brief conversation with the castle guards to confirm his suspicions: he had feared something like this was going to happen, but he always foolishly hoped that maybe he could…</p>
<p>There’s no way getting around it now, however: Felix has left.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The Sylvain from a few years ago would’ve exploded: he would’ve yelled, cried, tried to do something. This Sylvain is different however. A sense of emptiness spreads throughout him, and for a moment he forgets how to breathe. He just woke up and he’s so tired already.</p>
<p>By letting him oversleep, Felix has gained a great advantage, meaning that even if he tried, Sylvain doubts he’d be able to catch him. Besides, he doesn’t even know in which direction he left.</p>
<p>He could… he could… he doesn’t even know what he could or should do.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He returns to his room, letting himself fall on the bed again. His body doesn’t even feel like his; it’s not him the one who’s controlling it.</p>
<p>Felix left. He really did. Sylvain doesn’t know what to say about it.</p>
<p>He knew that he was unhappy, but he didn’t think it went this deep. He thought that maybe… that maybe he could fix it, but apparently he was wrong. Felix is a grown man now, and he should respect his choice, but that doesn’t stop the pain from eating his insides.</p>
<p>His heart hurts, and how ironic is it, that he’s now hurting like he’s hurt so many other people before? Maybe this is all retribution for his past sins.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Still…</p>
<p>Why didn’t he wake him up?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>This has to be what hurts most: Felix has just left without saying goodbye. He didn’t even bother to check on Sylvain, he didn’t even bother to try to explain himself. He just left in silence, without letting him know until it was too late.</p>
<p>If only Felix would’ve bothered, maybe he would’ve been able to convince him to stay. He could’ve done something, anything, but no, Felix just walked away.</p>
<p>Sylvain feels a familiar sting in his eyes and he rubs them, trying not to cry. Why is he even bothering? He’s alone, he could unwind.</p>
<p>What did Felix think he was going to accomplish, like this? Does he really think this is the best for both of them? Sylvain finds it hard to believe. If he needed something he could’ve helped him. Maybe together it would’ve been easier, but Felix didn’t give him and choice in the matter.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He should’ve been more perceptive; that way he would’ve noticed and he would’ve stopped this.</p>
<p>Now he only has to live with the fact that those happy days with Felix all belong to the past. Yesterday they were still so happy, and now Felix isn’t there anymore.</p>
<p>A traitorous voice in his head whispers to him that he’s been a fool for believing that this would’ve lasted, as if anything with him ever does.</p>
<p>It’s only now that he finally lets a few tears flow, but he immediately goes to dry them before he begins to break out into full sobs. There’s no point crying over spilled milk, he should know that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He takes some time to recollect himself.</p>
<p>Felix may be gone but, as much as it hurts, his duties won’t disappear just for this. Sylvain has to act like a responsible person, which means that he can’t sulk in his room all day, no matter how tired he feels already.</p>
<p>He’ll give himself just this moment of weakness before going out, just this little moment between the four walls of his room.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He should’ve seen this coming, is what he comes up with: Felix has been unhappy, the memories of the war too fresh for him to have fully recovered, but there’s more. Sylvain knows of the fury with which Felix threw himself into the last battles or of this exclusive focus on combat. It reminded him of another certain person…</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He gets up, his legs wobbly for just a moment before he assumes a more straight posture. He’ll keep mourning tonight, in the solitude of his bed, but now he has work to do.</p>
<p>For now he’ll just have to say goodbye to yesterday.</p>
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